Traveling. It’s an activity that some people love so much, they spend a small fortune just to immerse themselves in the culture of another town, city, or country. I, on the other hand, see it as a bestial form of punishment. For hours on end, I am forced to sit on my ass staring out the car window. My anxiety is not so unmanageable during te first hundred miles of the car trip. But once I start feeling my legs go numb and my bottom becomes sore due to lack of mobility, my anxiety begins to spike. That’s when I realize the fact that I am barely doing anything to torch the calories I had consumed that day. Then my worst fear barges into my ill mind . . . . the fear of suddenly turning into some humungous butterball during the trip.
For those of you reading this who don’t have an eating disorder, you probably think I am a complete nut case. I mean, I bet you are absolutely shocked with my irrational thought process. But before you start judging, I want you to close your eyes and remember that last time you were forced to face one of your most dreaded fears. Maybe you are completely mortified by the sight of spiders or nearly die of fright when a violent summer storm rolls in. Whatever the fear is, I am 100% positive a multitude of totally illogical thoughts rush through your mind, resulting in intense anxiety and panic. Am I right or am I right?
So at 8 o’clock in the morning, just as the sun begins to shine brightly in the sky, my family and I will embark on a long seven hour journey to my grandparents house. I will have no choice but to constantly challenge the false beliefs my eating disorder formulates in my mind, one of the most difficult task you could ask an eating disorder suffer to do. I know though that if I continue to allow my eating disorder to control my way of thinking and behaving, my life will just continue to go south. I can’t and I won’t let that happen any longer. I’ve only got one life and if my eating disorder continues to rule it, my time here on earth would have been completely wasted.