I woke up this morning and right when I opened my eyes, I wished I could of fallen back into a deep, never-ending slumber. Every part of my body felt like it weighed a burdensome 100 pounds and I felt like layers upon layers of hideous fat were just hanging off me. Now my logical mind, which is hidden away somewhere deep in my brain, attempts to softly whisper to me that it isn’t possible to gain such a tremendous amount of weight during the night. Unfortunately though, my eating disorder mind screams at me saying that whatever logic my healthy side of my brain comes up with is nothing but a BIG, FAT LIE.
So now my logical mind and ED mind are fighting a war inside my head. I can’t decide who is right and who is wrong. I feel like if I accept the thoughts of my logical mind, I could be lying to myself. I mean, what if my ED mind is right? What if I am really fat?
As the brutal battle continues silently in my mind, I am left wishing I could be just a normal 15 year old girl. I wish I could have friends. I wish I could have a better relationship with my family. For goodness sakes, I wish I could travel the world without worrying about what I will eat or when I’ll exercise next! I know I can have all those things if I just listen to my currently weak logical mind, but I don’t think people realize how hard that is. Especially when your eating disorder is yelling abusive comments into your ears every second of the day.