Lite Dressing

You know that feeling when you just want to give up? When you just want to grab a knife and starting cutting your skin till a river of blood oozes down your limbs? When you just want to die?

Well, that’s the feeling that is consuming me right now and it’s all because of a damn bottle of lite Annie’s dressing.

My story begins with me nonchalantly writing a grocery list, neatly organized in columns based on food group. As my dad grabbed the list and began to make his way out the door, I remember I had forgotten to write down my favorite salad dressing, Annie’s Lite Goddess. I run over in my fuzzy purple rope to inform him of this mistake and to ask him if he could add that to the list. As I told him what I wanted, he literally had a conniption!

“Why do you need lite salad dressing?!?!?” he demanded.

I tried to tell him that that salad dressing was healthier and lighter in artery-clogging saturated fats, but he wanted to hear nothing of it! I mean, I just don’t understand why he had to through such a fit! It is not like that dressing is free of calories. Actually, it contains a reasonable 60 calories per a two tablespoon serving as well as 5 gram of total fat  (which by the way, is considered a fat serving if you are going by the exchange system)!

I don’t understand why this is the cross they long to die on. I have been eating and actually I have been eating quite well. My belly constantly feels bloated and begs me to refrain from ingesting food, but I still do it. Not for me or my health, but so my parents can stop constantly being disappointed in me.

I wish they would just fucking realize that I am trying because after this, I don’t see the point in fighting ED much longer.

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3 thoughts on “Lite Dressing

  1. Your father is on YOUR side, not on ED’s side. You are very lucky to have a dad who has your back.

    The greatest love is to feed our children and not allow them to starve under our roof. Trust your parents. Eat what they plate. You will get better, your thinking will get clearer, you will like your body more. I have seen this happen in my own daughter. She is grateful that I saved her from a disorder that was trying to kill her, an insidious disorder that made her think that she didn’t deserve life and that food was the enemy.

    For someone who is starving, the first priority is calories, not concern about where each of those calories come from. For a person who is starving, fats are restorative–the starving need higher fat diets than the well-nourished.

    1. He may be on my side but sometimes it feels otherwise.
      I mean, why does my weight have to determine my fate? Why? Why can’t they see I am working my butt off? I just don’t understand why this is the cross they must die on . . .

      1. Health is not determined by effort, unfortunately. I think you’ll be able to see that when you are at a truly healthy weight and you can see what health feels like.

        Sending warm support!

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