When you lose a friend you lose a lot more than just a companion. You lose a bit of your heart, a dash of your soul, and a whole handful of the very essence that makes you who you are. You’re left with just a lifeless shell of some human being taken over by intense emotions like depression, hatred, and downright anger. You find yourself completely alone in a world where everyone else seems to have a hand to hold, a person to hug, an individual who is there even when nobody else will stand by your side.
Today, I have joined the many friendless souls who wonder aimlessly on the face of this earth. What makes this fact even worse is that I would’ve never lost my dear childhood confidant if it wasn’t for ED. Over the years, ED has turned me into a manipulative bitch, making do everything in my power to ease the anxiety ED causes me even if it hurts others. This afternoon, my friend finally stood up for herself and cut ties with me. She no longer wanted to deal with my manipulation, my bizarre mood swings, and my incurable anxiety. To be honest with you though, I am glad she did. She doesn’t deserve to deal with a person like me – a person so selfish, so cruel, and so blind when it comes to the needs of others. What she does deserve is a kindhearted cohort who cares about her feelings and will spends time with her face-to-face. A person that admires the works of Shakespeare (one of her favorite authors) and understands deep philosophical concepts. That’s what she deserves to my dismay, that isn’t me . . . or at least it won’t be as long as this eating disorder lives in my mind.