Falling Down the Cliff

As high  school continues to rob me of my freetime, I can sense something absolutely mortifying happening to me. I am beginning to refrain from consuming my afternoon snack, body checking has hit a record high, and  I am doing everything in my power to avoid eating with my family. In other words, the dangerous eating disorder habits I’ve been trying to move away from are slowly working their way back into my life.

How am I suppose to fix this? How am I suppose to get back on track? I know recovery is full of lapses but right now I feel like I’ve fallen down a cliff and I am much too afraid to climb back up. I realize though that if I don’t try with all my might to climb out, with each passing day my little lapse will begin to morph into a full-blown relapse. A relapse that may cause my parents to send me on over to the “looney bin” where a cruel regime of force-feeding and futile psychotherapy will commence.

I guess though the first step to getting out of this situation is accepting the fact that I’m in it. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back on track before ED kidnaps me once again.

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2 thoughts on “Falling Down the Cliff

  1. Dear OneGirl
    I’m so sorry that you’re in this place. I feel for you so deeply because I’m in a similar situation despite striving to move forward.
    I don’t have any answers, and in truth, you probably wouldn’t thank me if I did… but I KNOW that you are right in saying that the first step is accepting where you are… Now you just have to take the second… whatever that may be… but, can I just suggest… facing up to the truth with your family (who will have noticed anyway) will put the illness in a weaker position…
    Holding onto some hope for you

    x

    1. Thank you so much for your words of hope and encouragement. It is very appreciated and extraordinarily thoughtful of you 🙂 . I really hope you too can find a place of happiness someday where ED doesn’t have to keep you stuck anymore.
      🙂 Claire

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