The Abyss

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I feel like I am swimming in a sea of depression, barely able to keep my tiny head above water. I can see a gray sliver of land way out in the distance,but no matter how hard I swim, the sea’s powerful waves push me further out into its blue abyss. At this time, you would think I would have started screaming and yelling for some help. But I gave up on that a long, long time ago. I know now that no one can hear my cries or they just chose to tune them out.  Even as I am lost in the sea, everyone seems to continue on with their daily lives. My parents still sit and watch reruns of Star Trek episodes, my sister still; hogs the damn telephone to chat with her immature companions, and my beloved dog still entertains himself by massacring some hideous stuffed animal.

I realize that I am suppose to be encouraging you, my dear readers, to tackle your depression and pick yourself up out of this dark void. But today I just can’t find a way to do that. Maybe it’s because tomorrow I will be forced to talk to my therapist again at some inconvenient time. Maybe it’s because I refused to eat with my family again. Or maybe it’s because tomorrow I will be dragged to my version of juvenile hall – school. Whatever the reason may be, all I can tell you is that I am miserable and I just wish I could rewrite my life so that I would’ve never had to deal with ED.

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3 thoughts on “The Abyss

  1. We all have our up days and our down days; it’s called life (ya, not real encouraging there I know, but it’s the way of the universe). One the bright side, you realize you’re having a down day which is a good sign to some degree. All we can ever strive to do is take it one day at a time. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to move forward, another chance to improve your life, if even just a little bit…you’ll get there 🙂

    As for rewriting your life so the character ED didn’t make an appearance; please let me know if you find a way to do that. I’d like to write Ana out of my life if possible too.

  2. Sorry to read your post. I looked up some quotes about the sea. This one i liked…and perhaps from someone who does not perhaps a reputation as a deep thinker. Looks can be deceiving.

    “I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows.” – Drew Barrymore

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