It’s the Fear of What the Pain is, Not the Pain Itself

Currently, I am at a 6 . . .
Currently, I am at a 6 . . .


Since the first of August, I have been plagued with a strange physical pain in my left shoulder. At first I thought that I had just slept on it funny or maybe pulled something while accomplishing my chores at the farm (I was at my grandparent’s farm at the time). But as the months drew on, the pain wouldn’t subside. I was forced to cease my knitting, a beloved hobby of mine.

Due to the relentless discomfort, my parents made an appointment to see one of the kindest physicians I’ve ever had – Dr. M.  She came to the conclusion that I needed physical therapy and by August 13th, I found myself straining through the arduous exercises I was assigned by my physical therapist. For a while, I thought the PT was helping. Though the pain hadn’t gone away, it seemed like it wasn’t getting any worse. Plus, the PT informed me that my range of motion was getting better.

But once the end of September came around, the pain began to steadily increase to the point where I am happy to get four hours of sleep each night.  This time the pain wasn’t even just localized in my shoulder, it was literally everywhere. Walking around in school is now some form of torture and the idea of trying to sit down in a chair and get back up sounds like the equivalent to hell.

On Wednesday, I went back to Dr. M, nearly in tears due to the pain. She gave me an injection to get the pain to stop temporarily and scheduled an MRI, which I completed yesterday.

Now my parents and I are just playing the waiting game. My anxiety is through the roof as I worry I may be suffering from some rare disease or even cancer.   I know that this catastrophic thought process of mine is not helpful, but it is so difficult not to fret.  It’s the idea of the unknown that strikes fear into every bone in my body and plagues my mind with terror.

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