For the past 48 hours, ED has been shouting his tempting commands in my ears. He has been demanding me to lean over the porcelain god and purge whatever contents are in my stomach, pressing me to restrict my caloric intake, and insulting my appearance whenever I see my hideous reflection in the mirror.
Why the sudden the increase in eating disorder urges? Well, it’s all because I have been less active due the damn physical pain I have been enduring lately.
My eating disorder causes me to believe that I will become incredibly fat by lying completely comatose in my bed. I wish I could tell you that I know this isn’t true, but I don’t. I believe it with every ounce in my disgustingly fleshy body.
I honestly feel like I am going downhill. I just want to be like every other kid. I don’t want this voice in my head. I don’t want this physical pain. I don’t want to be such a depressed, anxious bitch.
Gosh, I am sorry for this post. It is terrible in every aspect. There is no flow to my writing. It lacks any excitement. Hell, it’s just plain bad.
But I posted it anyway because this is what is going on in my life. This is what my eating disorder does to me. This is me.