Facing the Unknown

I feel like I trying to keep my head above water in a stormy sea of anxiety. Massive waves hit me constantly and thrust me down deep into its chilling waters.   Though I somehow keep finding the strength to swim my way back up to get air into my burning lungs, I am always left to wonder if this will be the last breath I take before I become a victim of this merciless sea.

Why am I trapped in this war between me and my anxiety? Because yesterday I found out I could get my blood test results from my hospital’s website. As I logged into my account, half of me was hoping their would be nothing abnormal while the other half was on its knees begging God that something would be wrong so I can stop living with this constant pain.  As I read through the results, I was petrified.   It seemed like every test that was done was either flagged high or low. I knew right then and there that something in my body was going awry and the worst part was I didn’t know exactly what was going wrong.

So now I am left with more questions than answers. I see my doctor on Thursday but due to the rather drastic anomalies in my labs, I will probably receive a call tomorrow morning.  I just hope and pray things will turn out ok and they’ll know how to treat me, but sometimes I wonder if my prayers are enough to fix the situation I am facing.


5 thoughts on “Facing the Unknown

      1. When your mind starts to think anxious thoughts, just allow it to be. Observe what is happening without judgment or comment. It may be uncomfortable at first but keep at it. You are dissolving the pain and allowing the life force to come in. Life will give you the resources to deal with the present. Namaste.

  1. Worrying will get you know where, Try and relax and stay calm until you know for sure. easier said than done, i know. Just try! I’m keeping you in my prayers.

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