I feel like I trying to keep my head above water in a stormy sea of anxiety. Massive waves hit me constantly and thrust me down deep into its chilling waters. Though I somehow keep finding the strength to swim my way back up to get air into my burning lungs, I am always left to wonder if this will be the last breath I take before I become a victim of this merciless sea.
Why am I trapped in this war between me and my anxiety? Because yesterday I found out I could get my blood test results from my hospital’s website. As I logged into my account, half of me was hoping their would be nothing abnormal while the other half was on its knees begging God that something would be wrong so I can stop living with this constant pain. As I read through the results, I was petrified. It seemed like every test that was done was either flagged high or low. I knew right then and there that something in my body was going awry and the worst part was I didn’t know exactly what was going wrong.
So now I am left with more questions than answers. I see my doctor on Thursday but due to the rather drastic anomalies in my labs, I will probably receive a call tomorrow morning. I just hope and pray things will turn out ok and they’ll know how to treat me, but sometimes I wonder if my prayers are enough to fix the situation I am facing.