For the past few days, my anger has been completely uncontrollable. I am having outbursts of intense rage for absolutely no reason or for a reason so trivial, it doesn’t make sense to fuss over. Do you want an example? Well, let’s back-up 24 hours to yesterday afternoon. Feeling rather unwell, I stayed in the comforts of my own home instead of going to church. When my mom and sister came bounding through the door after they attend worship service and socialized, I was laying in my bed. They came in talking loudly and my sister was shrieking with laughter. Any other day I would have been able to cope with this obnoxious behavior, but every part of my body felt like it was being continuously stabbed and I was absolutely overcome with exhaustion. I was not in the mood to deal with the rambunctious actions of my mom and sister.
I slowly made my way out of my warm bed and walked to the kitchen where rage hit me like a typhoon. I yelled at mother and sister for being loud and awaking me during my sickness-induced slumber. My mom just fired her words right back at me and we continued our verbal battle until my dad raced up from the basement.
“What’s going on!” He shouted, looking at me as if I was some type of criminal. It was obvious I was the one going to receive the blame. Grant it, I could have just been a good sport and attempted to tune out the deafening voices of my mom and sister, but you don’t know how hard that is. They seem to have no recollection of the fact that when people don’t feel good they prefer to be in calm and peaceful environment. They honestly seem to lack any amount of self-awareness.
After my dad’s intervention, my memory is blurry. I know a few final words of anger escaped my lips, but the exact details of what was said is lost. I do recall though being banished to my room, where tears of frustration streamed down my face.
I think the reason my anger has been so terrible is because I feel like I am losing control over my life. I mean with all this medical crap going on and dealing with all the stresses of school, everything just feels like it is falling apart.
And at this point, I have no idea how I am suppose to glue everything back together . . .