“You meet thousands of other people and then you meet one person that changes your life forever”
It’s a beautiful quote, isn’t it? I was lucky to come across it early this morning, just before the sun peaked its way out into the horizon. We all know that this quote is referring to. It’s about love and finally discovering your perfect soul-mate who will stand by your side to the end of your days.
But when I read this quote, the first thing that came to my mind wasn’t finding my beloved paramour. It made me think of someone sinister and heartless – a serial killer that is destroying the lives of thousands of his victims.
Yes, it makes me think of Ed – my eating disorder.
When I first meant Ed at age 8, I didn’t really think anything of him. I had no ideahe would change my life forever. He was just a stranger who every so often would teach me a few things. He showed me how binging can make me forget about my worries and gave me tips on how I can cancel out the caloric impact of a binge. Yep, that means he showed me the importance of excess exercise and the ins & outs of purging. As time went on, I started to trust Ed more and more. But as our relationship grew stronger, the abuse began to take root. He started to criticize my body, proclaiming my appearance resembled that of a hideous monster. He insulted the stories I composed and the pieces of art I created, saying they were worthless and I was an untalented piece of scum.
I should have tried to break off our relationship when Ed started picking away at my self-esteem, but I could imagine my life without him. He was the only person I could trust. The only person who kept me safe. The only person I could count on to stay by my side.
As I look back at my life, I wonder if my story would be different if I just would have never let Ed into my life. But for goodness sake, I was only 8. How was I suppose to know Ed was trying to kill me? How was I suppose to know he would completely alter and destroy my life? Well, I wasn’t because that’s just how Ed works. . . .