“I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.” ~Douglas Adams
I can’t tell you how long I have believed I am nothing but a black sheep. I am like the monster in the family, eating the hearts and breaking the souls of the people that I am suppose to love unconditionally.
I have forced my parents to make life or death situations when I was in the depths of my eating disorder.
I have given them no choice but spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on treatment that hasn’t done me any good.
I have threatened suicide so many times I am surprised I am not a permanent resident in some psychiatric institution.
Hell, every day I come home infuriated for no reason. I scream. I yell. I tear my parents to shreds with my abusive language.
Sometimes I wonder why I am still here today. I mean, I have done so many bad things and broken so many people, you’d think karma would come into play and find a way to obliterate me from the face of the earth.
But that hasn’t happen yet and I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I am here for a reason.
When I came across the quote above, it really started to get the wheels in my head turning. It made me think that maybe the reason why I have been through so much is to help others. I don’t know if you guys know this, but I have always wanted to become a doctor and my goal is to help free this trapped in Ed’s clutches. Due to my first-hand experience in this psychiatric ailment as well as many others, maybe it will help me establish empathy and have a better understanding on how to treat my patients.
So I guess I never chose to have an eating disorder, anger issues, depression, and anxiety. But I am starting to realize that maybe the universe intended it to happen this way.