Misery and Mondays Seem to Go Hand-in-Hand . . .

Yesterday is a day I wish I could forget. It was a day of illness, of incredible self-loathing, and of emotional turmoil.

It all started when my body woke me up at 12:50am. I felt waves of nausea hitting me hard and my bones and upper abdomen ached. I tossed and turned, trying to get back in a comfortable position but unfortunately, I soon discovered that all my attempts to do so were in vain. So there I laid on my rat’s nest of a bed watching with tears in my eyes as 1 o’clock became 2 and 3 o’clock became 4. Finally once the clock hit 4:30am, I started balling. I couldn’t take this pain and discomfort anymore. I just couldn’t. My dad must have heard me crying because he came into my room and asked me what was wrong, but he already knew it was because I felt like shit. He gave me some tylenol and told me to rest, but of course I couldn’t. He ended calling the fucking school and informing them I was ill, so I stayed home. I hate staying home so much because whenever I do, I am left to deal with my own thoughts. Throughout the day, I told myself I was crazy for feeling so ill . . . .that I should be committed to a psychiatric institution . . . .and that I would be better off dead.

It was a rough day and today I am going to try to go to school, but I still think I am no more than a worthless nutcase that would have been better off never being born in the first place.

Advertisements

One thought on “Misery and Mondays Seem to Go Hand-in-Hand . . .

  1. I am so sorry 😨 I’m sorry you’re having those feelings 😦 I know I only know you by your blog, but you seem like a really good person and you don’t deserve to feel like you’d be better off not being born 😦 I know there’s days when that kind of feeling can overcome us and it’s horrible. I had one of those days, too and I struggle with those thoughts often….I hope today and tonight are better for you

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s