Yesterday is a day I wish I could forget. It was a day of illness, of incredible self-loathing, and of emotional turmoil.
It all started when my body woke me up at 12:50am. I felt waves of nausea hitting me hard and my bones and upper abdomen ached. I tossed and turned, trying to get back in a comfortable position but unfortunately, I soon discovered that all my attempts to do so were in vain. So there I laid on my rat’s nest of a bed watching with tears in my eyes as 1 o’clock became 2 and 3 o’clock became 4. Finally once the clock hit 4:30am, I started balling. I couldn’t take this pain and discomfort anymore. I just couldn’t. My dad must have heard me crying because he came into my room and asked me what was wrong, but he already knew it was because I felt like shit. He gave me some tylenol and told me to rest, but of course I couldn’t. He ended calling the fucking school and informing them I was ill, so I stayed home. I hate staying home so much because whenever I do, I am left to deal with my own thoughts. Throughout the day, I told myself I was crazy for feeling so ill . . . .that I should be committed to a psychiatric institution . . . .and that I would be better off dead.
It was a rough day and today I am going to try to go to school, but I still think I am no more than a worthless nutcase that would have been better off never being born in the first place.