Fighting to Stay Afloat

It’s been awhile now hasn’t it?

The last time you heard from me was in August,  a couple of weeks before I was officially dubbed a high school senior. Now the oceans of green summer grass that once stretched across my town have been suffocated by a thick blanket of damp, dead leaves and the heat of the sun has been replaced by relentless bone-chilling wind. I have found that harshness of this changing weather is mirror-image of the hell that has now become my life.

After this summer, I really thought things were getting better. I challenged myself and by doing so, I got the best gifts I could have ever imagined – friends, one-on-one time with my grandparents, and a stronger relationship with my parents. But once school came around, all those beautiful gifts were stolen from me.   The friends I had meant had returned to their own lives and my parents and I grew farther apart.

Now my hours are spent fighting with my parents or racking my brain as I attempt to understand basic calculus and physics concepts.  I go to school everyday pretending I am alright. I act like I am happy, like I am not struggling, like I do not think of purging and restricting every waking hour of the day.  I wish someone would just help me because I really do not know if I can handle this much longer.

No.  I have a correction to make.

I KNOW I can’t handle this much longer.