Fighting to Stay Afloat

It’s been awhile now hasn’t it?

The last time you heard from me was in August,  a couple of weeks before I was officially dubbed a high school senior. Now the oceans of green summer grass that once stretched across my town have been suffocated by a thick blanket of damp, dead leaves and the heat of the sun has been replaced by relentless bone-chilling wind. I have found that harshness of this changing weather is mirror-image of the hell that has now become my life.

After this summer, I really thought things were getting better. I challenged myself and by doing so, I got the best gifts I could have ever imagined – friends, one-on-one time with my grandparents, and a stronger relationship with my parents. But once school came around, all those beautiful gifts were stolen from me.   The friends I had meant had returned to their own lives and my parents and I grew farther apart.

Now my hours are spent fighting with my parents or racking my brain as I attempt to understand basic calculus and physics concepts.  I go to school everyday pretending I am alright. I act like I am happy, like I am not struggling, like I do not think of purging and restricting every waking hour of the day.  I wish someone would just help me because I really do not know if I can handle this much longer.

No.  I have a correction to make.

I KNOW I can’t handle this much longer.

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4 thoughts on “Fighting to Stay Afloat

  1. I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I do wish I could help you. I know you help me, if that is any consolation. You help me try to understand what ed do to people so I can be more supportive of my friend. I really hope you hang in there, sure what else can we do but survive until the next good thing to come along. Everyone has a role, and maybe yours is to help save many others by sharing your pain. Please keep sharing and posting, you are very special person.

    1. Thank you so much for your support. I think my increase in behaviors is probably due to the fact that college is just around the corner. It’s a scary and frightening thought to actually “grow up”.
      I will never ever stop writing on this blog. It means so much to me and I realize it means a lot to others. I really touches my heart that my posts help you understand eating disorders.

      Thank you so much again and have a wonderful day,
      Claire 🙂

  2. I am so sorry that your going through such a rough time. I think back on my senior year and my heart goes out to you. Sometimes I wonder how I ever got through it but I did, and I am so glad! Senior year is a tunnel you just got to walk through, but once your through your basked in light. Well, that was my experience in way! I wish you the best of luck.

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