Going to College with an Eating Disorder: The Door’s Wide Open

“Be empty of worrying.

Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison

when the door is so wide open?”

~Rumi

While many incoming college freshman spent their summers making lasting memories with the friends and family they would soon leave behind, I spent mine locked in a prison of great anxiety. The idea of going to college and beginning to write a new chapter in my life was something that absolutely horrified me. It seemed like every waking hour of the day, my mind was tormented with a slew of “what-ifs”.

What if my professors are heartless graders, giving even the brightest of pupils a soul-crushing mark?

What if my roommates are inconsiderate party-animals, obnoxiously making noise into the wee hours of the morning?

What if, despite my best efforts, I am unsuccessful?

WHAT IF I FAIL?

But now that move-in day is right around the corner, I am slowly beginning to walk out of the mental prison I have held myself captive in for all these months.  Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī, the great Islamic scholar and poet, said, “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open.”  I now realize that for me college is that  “open door” that  Rūmī spoke of.  By going to college, I will finally be able to freely pursue my interests and walk on the beautiful path of self-discovery. I hope . . . no scratch that . . .I KNOW that the knowledge I will obtain during my years in college will allow me to give back to the eating disorder community. Maybe I will build the intellectual foundation I need to conduct ground-breaking research into the neurobiology of eating disorders or to create a revoluntionary treatment protocol that saves thousands of lives.

Whatever I decide to do or become, I know it will be great.

There’s no question about that anymore 🙂

photo-1446329360995-b4642a139973

Eating Disorder Summer Update Vlog! :)

Well everyday,school is finally out for the summer. Most kids my age would be thrilled with the with the freedom and adventure that comes long with summer vacation, but I on the other-hand find myself wishing school was never let out.  You see, summer is always challenging for me and this summer is going to be the most challenging of all.  In this new vlog, I discuss the hurdles I will be forced to overcome this summer.

Me, My Anorexia, and My Thanksgiving

The past couple of weeks have been quite a challenge for me. My depression has barged back in to my life and has made it nearly impossible to write a decent post. I did try to update you guys on my little Thanksgiving trip, but my mind was so broken by the depression that even typing the simplest of words was a significant burden.

Thankfully, yesterday my depression lessened his grip on me and I was able to create a YouTube video chronicling not only my Thanksgiving trip but also the events of last week.

I hope you enjoy the video!

New Eating Disorder Q&A Video!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

Hello Everybody,

Guess what, I have SUPER exciting news for you! I FINALLY was able to make that Q&A video I have been just dying to create! I hope this video answers some of your questions and also gives you more of a peak into how my little brain works! I love all you guys and remember, if you have any video suggestions just comment down below!

~Claire

Eating Disorder Update: Major Body Image Issues

Wow, it seems like it’s been FOREVER since I’ve updated everyone on how everything has been going with me ED-wise. This video is laden with honesty and I guess it’s a little hard to here, but I don’t want to hide anything from you guys.
I hope you are all keeping your heads up though 🙂
Stay strong and fight on! You deserve it!